العلاقات الزوجية

IBhayibheli Liwudwebaphi Umugqa Phakathi Kwezingxabano Nokuhlukunyezwa Ngokomzwelo?

Ukuhlukumeza kuza ngezindlela ezahlukene. Nakuba siwabona kalula amaphethini nobufakazi bokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba noma ngokocansi, ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo kubonakala kuyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu.

Ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo kuhilela indlela yokuziphatha eyehlisa ukuzethemba, umuzwa wokubaluleka, nokuhlala kahle ngokomzwelo komunye umuntu. Ingabonakala ngezindlela eziningana ezahlukene kodwa ingashiyi izibazi ezibonakalayo, okwenza kube inselele ukuyibona. Kodwa-ke, imiphumela yokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo iholela ekukhathazekeni, ekucindezelekeni, nobunzima bokwakha ubudlelwano.

Empeleni, ukuhlukumeza kungcolisa isithombe sikaNkulunkulu esinikezwe wonke umuntu endalweni. Umuntu ngamunye wenziwe ngomfanekiso kaNkulunkulu, indalo ekhethekile kulo mhlaba, ngakho-ke kufanele, leso sithombe siwuphathe ngesizotha nangenhlonipho, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ungubani noma wenzeni. Umfanekiso kaNkulunkulu kuwo wonke umuntu wawukhona ngaphambili izenzo nokuziphatha kwethu, futhi lo mklamo wobunkulunkulu phakathi kwesintu wenza isisekelo sothando nesihe sikaNkulunkulu esintwini. Kulolu thando, ufuna ukusihlenga sibuyele ebuhlotsheni bokubuyisana naye.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo, ngokomzimba, ngokobulili, noma ngokwenkolo kuletha ubudlova emfanekisweni kaNkulunkulu osemuntwini. IBhayibheli limelene nakho konke ukusetshenziswa kabi kwegunya, kuhlanganise nemizwelo.

Imaphi amavesi eBhayibheli akhuluma ngokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo?

Nakuba kungashiwo ngokucacile ukuthi “ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo,” umBhalo ukhuluma ngakho ngamavesi ahlukahlukene ugcizelela ukubaluleka kothando, umusa, nokuhlonipha abanye.

UJesu wayesebenzelana nendlela abantu abaphatha ngayo abanye lapho befundisa besebenzisa igama elithi “Raca,” isiqalekiso, noma “siwula.” UKristu uchaza indlela abaholi benkolo abayobajezisa ngayo abantu abasebenzisa igama lesiqalekiso. Nokho, uma abantu bethuka omunye, bemane bethi, “Siwula,” banecala lesono esifanayo futhi bangaphansi kwesahlulelo sikaNkulunkulu njengoba bonke abantu benenani laphakade kuNkulunkulu.

Eyabase-Efesu 4:29 iyala amakholwa ukuthi: “Makungaphumi emlonyeni wenu inkulumo ebolileyo, kodwa efanele ukwakha, ngokufanele ithuba, ukuze kuphe umusa kwabezwayo. Amazwi anamandla, futhi abantu banomthwalo wemfanelo wokusebenzisa ulimi olwakhayo olukhuthaza abanye kunokuba lubaqede amandla. Inkulumo ekhohlakele noma ehlambalazayo ayinandawo empilweni yekholwa, kunalokho, kufanele ikhulume amazwi anomusa nakhuthazayo.

Ngokufanayo, eyabaseKolose 3:19 ikhuluma ngokuxhashazwa ngokomzwelo emshadweni, iyala amadoda ukuba ‘athande omkenu, ningabi-lukhuni kubo. KuKristu, abashadile kufanele baphathane ngobumnene nangenhlonipho kunokuba bakhulume amazwi ahlabayo noma alulazayo angabangela ukulimala.

IzAga 15:1 zinikeza ukuhlakanipha kokusabela ezingxabanweni: “Impendulo ethambileyo ibuyisa ulaka, kepha izwi elilukhuni livusa ulaka.” Izinkinga ziyoba khona, kodwa amakholwa kufanele asabele ngomusa kunokusabela ngentukuthelo, inzondo, noma ulaka. Ikhuthaza abalandeli bakaJesu ukuba babhekane nezingxabano ngomoya wobumnene nowokuthobeka, bafune ukuxazulula ukungezwani ngendlela eyakhayo.

EyabaseGalathiya 5:22-23 ichaza isithelo sikaMoya, esihlanganisa uthando, injabulo, ukuthula, ukubekezela, umusa, ubuhle, ukwethembeka, ubumnene, nokuzithiba. Lezi zimfanelo zimelene ngokuqondile nokuziphatha okuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo njengokukhohlisa, ukulawula, nokuhlaselwa ngamazwi. Esikhundleni salokho, amakholwa abizelwe ukuba asondele kuMoya ohlala ngaphakathi futhi ahlakulele lezi zimfanelo ezinhle ebudlelwaneni, abonise uthando nenhlonipho kwabanye.

Yiziphi izimpawu nezimpawu zokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo?

Ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo kungase kungabi nobufakazi bangaphandle obufanayo, ngakho-ke kufanele sifunde ukubona izimpawu nezibonelo zokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo ukuze sibhekane nokuziphatha okulimazayo.

Ukugxeka kubonakala njengophawu olubalulekile. Lokhu kuhilela ukudelelwa njalo, ukugadla, noma ukululaza ukuze kuthuntubeze ukuzethemba komuntu nomuzwa wokuthi ubalulekile. Isibonelo, uzakwethu ohlale egxeka ukubukeka komlingani wakhe womshado, ubuhlakani, noma amakhono uhlanganyela ekuhlukunyezweni ngokomzwelo.

Lokhu kugxeka kusiletha kuphawu olulandelayo, ukukhohlisa, okuthatha izindlela eziningi, okuhlanganisa ukukhanya kwegesi, ukukhubeka, noma ukusebenzisa izinsongo ukuze ulawule ukuziphatha komunye. Umzali angase akhohlise ingane yakhe ngokuhlale esongela ngokuthi uzoyigodlela uthando noma uthando ngaphandle kwalapho ihlangabezana nezimfuneko ezithile futhi ihileleka ekuhlukunyezweni ngokomzwelo.

Labo abahlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo bafuna ukuzihlukanisa nabanye. Lokhu kuhlanganisa ukususa imithombo yosekelo, njengabangane, umndeni, noma imisebenzi yomphakathi, ukuze kube nokulawula. Njengesibonelo, umlingani ovimbela abashade naye ukuthi babone abangani noma amalungu omndeni ukuze akhawulele ukufinyelela emibonweni yangaphandle nokusekelwa.

Ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo ngokuvamile kuhilela ukwenza imizwa yomuntu ingasebenzi kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe. Lokhu kungahlanganisa ukuxosha ukukhathazeka kwabo, ukunciphisa imizwelo yabo, noma ukwenqaba ukuqaphela izidingo zabo. Ngokwesibonelo, umphathi ozishaya indiva izikhalo zesisebenzi ngokuphathelene nokuhlukunyezwa emsebenzini uhlukumeza ngokomzwelo.

Engxenyeni yensalela, umhlukumezi usebenzisa izinsongo nokusabisa ukuze agcine ukulawula umuntu, ngokuvamile okubandakanya izinsongo zobudlova obungokomzimba noma amafomu acashile afana nokuthinta okuyingozi. Umnakekeli osongela ngokulimaza isihlobo esikhulile uma sikhuluma ngokuhlukumeza uhileleka engozini engokomzwelo.

Olunye uhlobo lokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo lwenzeka lapho kulawulwa ukufinyelela komuntu ezinsizeni zezezimali futhi kusetshenziswa imali ukuze zixhaphaze. Lokhu kuhlanganisa ukubamba imali, ukulawula ukufinyelela kuma-akhawunti asebhange, noma ukucekela phansi amathuba omsebenzi womuntu ohlukunyeziwe. Isibonelo, umlingani olawula zonke izimali zasekhaya futhi wenqaba ukuvumela umlingani wakho noma yikuphi ukuzimela kwemali.

Okokugcina, ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo kuvame ukubandakanya ukusola nokwenqaba ukuthwala umthwalo womuntu siqu. Lokhu kungabonakala ngokuhlale esola isisulu, ngokuphika noma isiphi isenzo esingalungile, noma ukwenqaba ukuxolisa ngokuziphatha okulimazayo. Umzali osola ingane yakhe ngokuziphatha kwayo okuhlukumezayo, ethi yiyona echukuluzayo, uhlukumeza ngokomzwelo.

Inkolo noma isonto ingaba kanjani necala lokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo?

Njengoba amaKristu engabantu, iBandla lingaba necala lokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo lapho izinkolelo, imikhuba, noma izimfundiso ezithile zisetshenziselwa ukukhohlisa, ukulawula, noma ukulimaza inhlalakahle yomuntu ngokomzwelo. Nakuba amasonto amaningi elwela ukunikeza indawo esekelayo neyondlayo, izenzakalo zokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo zisaqhubeka.

Enye indlela amasonto azibandakanya ngayo ekuhlukunyezweni ngokomzwelo kwenzeka ngabaholi besebenzisa kabi igunya labo. Abaholi abasebenzisa ithonya labo ngezindlela eziphoqayo noma ezikhohlisayo bakha indawo yokwesaba, yecala, noma yehlazo phakathi kwebandla. Laba baholi basebenzisa amaqhinga afana nomthetho wokugunyaza, ukuphatha kancane izimpilo zabantu, noma ukubeka izindinganiso zokuziphatha eziqinile noma ezingenangqondo ngaphansi kosongo lokucwaswa noma esinye isijeziso. Amaqhinga anjalo alulaza ukuzimela kwabantu nokuzihlonipha, okuholela ekucindezelekeni okungokomzwelo nokuncika esontweni ukuze ligunyazwe futhi ligunyazwe.

Izincazelo ezithile ezingokomBhalo ziqhubekisela phambili izinkolelo ezinomthelela ekuhlukunyezweni ngokomzwelo. Ngokwesibonelo, izimfundiso ezigcizelela ukuzithoba esigunyeni ngaphandle kokungabaza noma ukugxeka imibono ephikisayo zikhuthaza isimo somphakathi esesabekayo nesilawulayo. Izimfundiso ezigcizelela isono, icala, nesijeziso ngaphandle kokunikeza umusa, intethelelo, nokuhlenga zandisa imizwa yokuhlazeka nokungafaneleki.

Okokugcina, isiko kanye nokuguquguquka phakathi komphakathi wesonto nakho kudlala indima ebalulekile ekuqhubekiseni ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo. Amasiko esonto anobuthi abonakala ngokuhleba, izimo zengqondo zokwahlulela, nemikhuba yokungabaleli adala isimo sokwesaba nokungathembani phakathi kwamalungu. Lokhu kuholela ekucwasweni komphakathi, ubuxhwanguxhwangu, noma ukuxhashazwa ngokomzwelo, ikakhulukazi kulabo abaphambuka ezinkambisweni ezicatshangwayo noma okulindelwe umphakathi.

AmaKristu angakugwema kanjani ukuxhashazwa ngokomzwelo?

Sigwema ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo ngokulandela isibonelo seNkosi uJesu Kristu nangokunamathela ezimisweni zayo zothando, umusa, nozwela. Nazi izindlela ezimbalwa amaKristu akhuthaza ngayo isiko lempilo yemizwa kanye nenhlalakahle emiphakathini yawo.

  1. Hlakulela isiko lothando nokwamukelana. UJesu usibiza ukuba sithandane njengoba naye asithanda (Johane 13:34-35). Lokhu kusho ukwamukela abanye ngaphandle kwemibandela, kungakhathaliseki isizinda sabo, izinkolelo, noma ukuziphatha. Ngokukhuthaza isiko lothando nokwamukelana, sidala izindawo lapho abantu bezizwa bebalulekile, behlonishwa futhi besekelwa.
  2. Zijwayeze uzwela nobubele. UKristu wabonisa uzwela nobubele kubantu abahlukumezayo noma ababandlululwayo (Mathewu 9:36). Silandela isibonelo sakhe ngokulalela abanye ngenkuthalo, siqinisekise imizwa yabo, futhi sibasekele nesikhuthazo ngezikhathi zokucindezeleka.
  3. Khuluma amazwi okukhuthaza nokuqinisekisa. IzAga 16:24 ziyafundisa, “Amazwi amnandi ayikhekheba lezinyosi, amnandi emphefumulweni, ayimpiliso emathanjeni.” Amazwi anamandla, futhi sisebenzisa amazwi ngendlela efanele ukuze sakhe abanye futhi sikhulume ukuphila kubo nasezimweni zabo. Ukunikeza amazwi akhuthazayo, okuqinisekisa, nawokubonga kukhuthaza labo abadonsa kanzima futhi kubanike ithemba ngekusasa.
  4. Dala izikhala eziphephile zokuba sengozini nobuqiniso. EyabaseRoma 12:15 isikhuthaza ukuba “Jabulani nabajabulayo; nilile nabakhalayo.” Lapho sakha lezi zindawo eziphephile emiphakathini yethu, abantu bazizwa bekhululekile ukuveza imizwa, ukwabelana ngemizabalazo, nokufuna ukusekelwa ngaphandle kokwesaba ukwahlulelwa noma ukusolwa.
  5. Nikeza ukunakekelwa kwabelusi kanye nokwelulekwa. “Thwalisanani imithwalo yenu, kanjalo niyowugcwalisa umthetho kaKristu.” ( Galathiya 6:2 ) Kuyoba nezinkinga nokuhlukunyezwa, futhi amasonto kufanele anikeze ukunakekela nokweluleka labo abacindezelekile ngokomzwelo noma izimo ezinzima. Singaba yingxenye yokwelapha esikhundleni sokuqhubekisela phambili inkinga. Ukunikeza indlebe elalelayo, ukunikeza isiqondiso nokusekelwa, nokuxhuma abantu ngezinye izinsiza kwenza umehluko omkhulu ekwelapheni.
  6. Prakthiza ukuthethelela nokubuyisana. Eyabase-Efesu 4:32 iyasinxusa, “Yibani nomusa komunye nomunye, nihawukele, nithethelelane, njengalokho uNkulunkulu wanithethelela ngoKristu.” IBhayibheli lihlala lisitshela ukuba sithethelele abanye, okuyinto esingeke siyenze ngaphandle kokuba othile esiphathe kabi. Ukungathetheleli kuba ubuthi ezinhliziyweni zethu, ngakho sithuthukisa impilo engokomzwelo kanye nokuphila kahle ngokwenza ukuthethelela nokubuyisana ebudlelwaneni. Ukwelula umusa nentethelelo kulabo abasonileyo kwephula umjikelezo wobuhlungu nomunyu, okusenza sikwazi ukubuyisela ukuphelela.
  7. Qaphela futhi Ubize Ukuhlukumeza. KuMathewu 21:12-13: “UJesu wangena egcekeni lethempeli, wabaxosha bonke ababethenga nababethengisa khona. Wagumbuqela amatafula abashintshi bemali namabhentshi alabo ababethengisa amajuba. Wathi kubo: ‘Kulotshiwe ukuthi: ‘Indlu yami iyobizwa ngokuthi indlu yokukhuleka, kodwa nina niyenza umhume wabaphangi.’” Sonke kumelwe sikuqaphele ukuxhashazwa ngokomzwelo, nakho konke ukuhlukunyezwa. Umphakathi wezenkolo kufanele ube indawo lapho umfanekiso kaNkulunkulu waziswa futhi uhloniphekile, futhi lapho ukuhlukunyezwa kwenzeka, kufanele sikhulume nabantu nezimo ngothando nangomusa, sinikeze ukubuyiselwa nokuphenduka sibe simelana futhi sigxeka ukuhlukunyezwa.

Ngokulandela lezi zimiso, sithuthukisa imiphakathi enempilo engokomzwelo lapho sibazisa khona bonke abantu futhi sinikeze ithemba nothando kulabo abalimalayo noma abaswele.

Ikhredithi Yesithombe: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/seb_ra

U-Britt Mooney uphila futhi uxoxa izindaba ezinhle. Njengombhali wezinganekwane nezingezona i-iction, unentshisekelo yokufundisa izinkonzo nezingenzi-nzuzo amandla okuxoxa ukuze akhuthaze futhi asabalalise iqiniso. UMooney une-podcast ebizwa ngokuthi Kingdom Over Coffee futhi ungumbhali oshicilelwe we Sazalelwa Kabusha Ngenxa Yalokhu: Isibonelo sikaJesu Sokuphila Ezulwini Emhlabeni kanye ne Ithi Yebo: Amaphupho AkaNkulunkulu Ahamba Kanjani.

Lesi sihloko savela okokuqala ku-Christianity.com. Ukuze uthole izinsiza ezengeziwe zokwakha ukholo, vakashela

UbuKristu.com. UbuKristu.com




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